THE ART OF MAKING A HIT HINDI FILM- Success Guaranteed

1.Star Power
Your hero must be Amitabh Bachchan, Shahrukh Khan, Aamir Khan, a terrific dancer or an oooh-drawer. The last asset your actor needs is acting talent. Look at Fardeen, Shahid, and Hritik. If you cannot afford Shahrukh Khan, you should atleast have his picture hanging on the wall.
If your heroine is not Rani or Preity, she must show plenty of skin. Skin obviously excludes skin of the face, arms, feet, and other things men can do without. It'd be easy on your producer if she can do the customary item number and sizzling scene without demanding a body-double. Rate all available heroines on the Droolability Scale and make the topper your automatic choice.

2.Music
AR Rahman is too busy.
Anu Malik should be your next choice. He copies good songs.

If it's a Shahrukh Khan film: A Sudanese folk song will suffice. Once you have one catchy song, you can fill your tapes with Jatin-Lalit's balderdash.If you do not want to plagiarize, you can have a muted song with Shahrukh Khan putting on and removing his Raybans 5 times in a minute or running his fingers passionately through his hair, throwing his head back, and looking beseechingly at the sky.

Finally, you can use Juggy D and his band of rappers who blabber some indistinguishable gibberish. They succeed in making an ultra-small piece of attractive music (ranging from a few microseconds to three seconds) and then replay it for the entire length of the song.

3.Script
Your story should be built around scenes and not vice versa. Get Paresh Rawal to speak a couple of witty lines in a Marwari or Gujarati accent. If he's too busy, Johnny Lever is always available for his meaningless tantrums.
If you want to make a youthful film about college romance, don't work overtime trying to make your protagonists look young.
Get a couple of overaged, long-haired, goggle-donning, gum-chewing brawny jerks; a few mini-skirt clad culture-conscious girls who wear a "Come on, take me on" and "Mein ek Hindustani ladki hoon" facade at the same time; a bespectacled curly-haired, gullible nerd; and some hassled and really dumb teachers. When your heroine or hero walk in a group, make sure their dress is brighter, they walk in the centre of the group, and the cronies laugh at anything they say.
You must have either an arm-wrestling duel (with the hero as underdog, of course) or a bike race (with the hero triumphing inspite of the villain's sidekicks' efforts to scupper his race) or an audacious challenge which basically ensures that the next scene is in Kashmir with the lead pair singing songs of love and commitment (O mere yaar, mujhe hai tumse pyaar, jaane bahaar, tere bina jeevan mein hai andhkaar... and all that blah).
Again, keep in mind that it is individual scenes and not the net product that determines a film's longevity.

If it's a Shahrukh Khan film: Anything from the Recycle Bin will do. I'm sure you've heard the adage 'Originality and Speed Kill'.
In SRK's films, a script is, after all, (nonde)script.

Intersperse the regular bullshit with some tears, an attempted rape, abusive language, and some hysterical dialogues.This is indispensable. Your hero must deliver a 10-minute performance, near the climax, of insanity or plain hysteria bellowing some powerful statements against the system or the society.(Yaar!acting kya fodu thi! (Man! what a spectacular performance))