Worst Hindi Movies(WHM)- Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gham

Yehi Hai Trite Choice Baby

Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gham
Starring: Amitabh Bachchan, Shah-dukh Khan, Jaya Bachchan, Kajol, Kareena (ka)Poor, Hrithik
Rating: 2/5

The movie’s opening line: “When you are in trouble, close your eyes and think of your parents. The problem will vanish”- and lo! Hrithik belts the ball for six. Karan Johar seems to have idolized Shahid Afridi and assumed the pinch hitter thinks of his parents when he closes his eyes before every shot.
After the success of Kuch Kuch Hota Hai, the ebullient Karan Johar, confident of his inability to direct rookies, applied the all-star formula to perfection. The application of the formula was perfect (c.f.: the star cast), but the formula itself was hackneyed. He won’t complain though, his supporters are many and detractors very few. Of course, with palatial bungalows, with Amitabh dancing to Shava Shava, hugging Jaya Bachchan at every given opportunity and Rani Mukherji at other times (cho chweet no!), upholding his family’s sanskaar(culture) and parampara(rituals), with Jaya Bachchan calling him pati parmeshwar, with Shahrukh Khan entering with the sound of a gale, wearing the Versace and Gucci he wears in all films (including Chalte Chalte where he is a kinda bus-driver), always playing the good boy, as ideal as PV= nRT, with Hrithik Roshan trying to act between dance sequences, and with Kareena doing what she does best- nothing (silence is golden, silence with sleaze is platinum), your movie has to be a hit.
The spotting of the following flaws, according to fans, is peculiar to excessively fastidious critics:
1. Shahrukh Khan falls in love with his nanny’s daughter. OK, you cupid freaks, love is blind, but is it also wholly empty-headed? The gap in status is too stark to digest this match. To make a film of it, Karan made Amitabh drive his son away from home and SRK promptly settled in London. Why he had to complicate matters by introducing SRK as an adopted son is still a mystery to many. The rest of the film is about Hrithik’s obviously successful efforts to unite father and son. (People know that if he wasn’t supposed to return home and pose for the “All’s well that ends well” family photograph, SRK wouldn’t have signed the film). When he found no way of making Hrithik convince SRK to return to India, Karan killed Amitabh’s ailing mother- a definite way of getting SRK home. Once he’s in India, all Amitabh need do is weep and tell SRK how much he loves him. “Pita kabhi apne bete se kyun nahin keh paata ki woh usse kitna pyaar karta hai” - “Why are father’s unable to express their love for their sons”.

2. The film is 2 hours too long- thanks to that SRK’s inability to recognise his brother (Hrithik). Spare SRK a thought- the transition from a sissy, overweight, spoilt brat to a sissy, over-muscular man who does the customary ‘namaste’ to strangers and teaches the Indian National Anthem to a choir of British students, can be difficult to fathom.

3. There’s no point saying the songs were unnecessary. I guess it’s all part of the “business” of film-making.

The final word: Watch it if the entire city is burned down and only the theatre playing this is standing. Watch it if you find a free ticket inside a 100-ruppee note lying on the road. Watch it if you want to know which music director you should not have in your film (“Suraj Hua Madham” is a gem, though). Watch it to know the kind of house you cannot live in or own and finally watch it if you think I’m lying.

Game 2: Kunvergram

Apply the given transformations to appropriate words in the sentence. One transformation is a dummy, i.e., a misleader.

An example:
ARTILLERY TENETS ARE DENOUNCED BY A GARGLE BURNER OF STUDENTS.

REPLACE WITH ‘V’
REMOVE ‘L’
REMOVE ‘E’
REPLACE WITH ‘M’,
REMOVE ‘G’
REPLACE WITH ‘M’

Ans. LITERARY EVENTS ARE CONDEMNED BY A LARGE NUMBER
OF STUDENTS.
Remove L from ARTILLERY
Replace T in TENETS with V
Replace U in DENOUNCED with M
Remove G from GARGLE
Replace R in burner with M

Remove E is a dummy transformation.

TRY THIS:
IF SHUNT ARE COOL AND MELONS HOT, SMART HOUNDS BE PLACENTA.

REPLACE WITH D
REPLACE WITH S
REPLACE WITH S
REPLACE WITH P
REPLACE WITH L
REPLACE WITH K

I've 8 more of these. Hope you rack your brains and feel completely drained but satiated after this exercise!

More Paragrams

1.
THE STRIPE WANDER HIM TO MARINE LISTEN AND VETOED HIS TIME TO THE MATING OF THE HUSTLE. HE BELIEVED IN NEARING BY TEACHING
RANTED DEVOTEES. (10)

2.
HIS BUSTLE TESTAMENTS FOUND ONLY NEO MARRIED. THE LICENSE IN THE MOOR MADE HIM MENTAL. HE RESIDED TO HAVE ALL RELATIONS DESERVE. HE EXPECTED MORE SKATER OF HIS TRAMS MARKERS IN SCHOOLS.

The first shot: PARAGRAM

PARAGRAM (paragraph + anagram)

The rules are simple. Some words in the paragraph appear out of place because they are anagrams of the syntactically correct words. Identify and rectify such words. Each paragraph has around 10-12 of them. Though the game may seem challenging for word-game novices, regular crypto-crackers should find it a cakewalk. Please comment on this post if you want to suggest any improvements to the game (The odd praise wouldn’t be out of place). To sustain other visitors’ interest in this game, I request each visitor to not print the answer as a comment. Mail your answers to me on akku100_2000@yahoo.com. I shall put up the solution within 2 days.

Try this paragraph:

HE DONATE FOR HIS INABILITY TO

SECURE HIS SON FROM THE BRIDES.

EVERYONE PISTON AT HIM, CALLING

HIM A FATHER WITH TIME ONLY FOR

STENCIL. DERIVES PORTERS SAY

TIMERS RAMAN WAS IN A SPROUT

WHEN HIS SON FELL IN THE TRACER.
(10)

Lexicomania

To relieve himself of the burden of referring separately to crosswords, anagrams, rebuses, etc., the big daddy of these games in my university- the Banaras Hindu University, Varanasi- decided to subsume all word game competitions under the banner of 'Lexicomania'.

Here, I shall post some of the games I created for the maiden Lexicomania held in February,2005 in addition to the new games I make almost everyday. Hope you like it!

One brick at a time

For the want of time and a good internet connection, it'll take me some time to post a decent number of items. Still, I'll work on it as fast as possible.