Budget Reactions

Market Mayhem

Tagged

Ladies and gentlemen, I've finally been tagged. Here goes:


1. Name Three Most Valuable Assets?
Wit, talent, and passion


2. If you have the chance, what would you probably say to your beloved one?
Hmmm…sochna padega


3. Where is the place that you want to go the most?
The only place I’m really particular about going to- and everyday too- is the loo.


4.If you can have 1 dream to come true, what would it be?
I’d want to become a best-selling author- that’s about as dreamy as I can get.


5.Till now, what is the moment that you regret the most?
The moment I decided to stop trying to become a best-selling author.


6.What are you afraid to lose the most?
The dream that I’ll one day become a best-selling author. Ok, enough of this best-selling author stuff; one thing I’m really afraid of losing is my love for words.


7.What would you do if you found a briefcase full of money?
Wake up


8.If you meet someone that you love, would you confess to him/her?
If I love that person I’d have already met her right? Unless you’re talking about Gayatri Joshi or Priyanka Chopra ;)


9.Which type of person do you hate the most?
I dislike certain traits in people, but don't really hate anybody.


10.What is your ambition?
To be happy, successful, and enable others to be so too.


11.What is the thing that will make you think someone is a bad person?
Bad person? Kya bachpana hai?


12.If you could do one thing different in life, what would it be?
Put less salt in my pizza


13.Are you a shopaholic or no?
What kind of shop? If you consider DG corner and Limbi corner shops, I was a major shopaholic.


14.What is your stress buster?
Music, words, and images


15.Do you have any plans for tomorrow?
Let’s start by waking up in time

A Perthfect Victory

Aaj se bees saal pehle in Jallandney

Men of the Match

Orkut's plot

Event a: Join orkut, invite friends, and get "Welcome to Orkut" scraps

Event b: Intense orkut activity; furiously scrap friends, next-door neighbours

Event c: Orkut fatigue

Event d: Change photo

Event e: Not change photo

Event f: Special events viz. birthday, New Year, and Diwali; Portugese spam

Event g: Change marital status to 'committed'

Event h: Change sex to female and get a few hundred "Do u wanna make frienddship" scraps from many sootabul boys

books r a mans best frnd

i absolutly luv readin books...i read ol kinds of em. but ma favorite is murder mistrey. maan they make me byt ma nails outa ther roots..dats wat i luv bout em. wanna becom a writer sumday...wanna be on da bestseller list...wanna b sum1 big. meknows me cn b a freakin gud writer...ma english rox...ma grammar is gud 2. ma philosophy of life is watever u do do it wel...m a big believer in perfection. sum ppl harp bout gen x using chat lingo 2 much. i say wut da hell...as long as da msg getz thru what freakin diff does it make. lolz! get a life ppl!!! those comas and colons are so not kool. ive gotta awsome story awsome dialogs and topofall m a dam gud storyteller. ma sense of humor ll make u ol roll on ur ass i swear. luk out fr it dis oktober! m sure u guysll hav a fuckin gud xperience readin ma work. wud be greatful if u guys gav me a frank review.

k now get outta ma way freaks!!! time for me 2 watch ma fav sport futbol!!!

This post is inspired by Ankit Khanna's post on the state of the English language.

Review: Laaga Chunari Mein Daag

Rating: 2/5

If you want to cut the crap and read the review directly, scroll past the first two paragraphs. If you have nothing better to do than pick your nose and check your scraps, read on.

What do you get when you combine two great actresses, one great actor, one charming actor, one character actor, a famous actress of yore (who is, if I might add, a famous mother, wife, daughter-in-law, and now, mother-in-law), an acclaimed director, an innovative music director, wonderful locales, excellent promos, and a kissing scene? I know this question tempts you to go to the start menu, click Shutdown, sneak out of office, take a loan on your credit card, borrow Mallya’s chartered helicopter, land straight on PVR’s terrace, buy tickets in black at 10 times the price, grab a cone of popcorn, and nestle in your expensive seat, waiting for the movie to start. But hey! What’s this? Why’s is the ticket line empty? Is there another India-Pak final today? Or is there a new Pamela Anderson video on YouTube?

Well, my dear hopelessly hopeful Bollywood fan, are you out of your mind? How could you miss the most important name on the poster? YASHRAJ FILMS. Read it again. YASHRAJ. Yes, the same house that succeeds in turning everything it touches to crap- a genetically mutated Midas. In many ways, Yashraj Films is worse than Suniel Shetty; or even Tusshar Kapoor. The latter two at least don’t try to fool you into watching their films.

Laaga Chunari Mein Daag was disappointing to say the least. After Parineeta, Pradeep Sarkar was expected to spin another tasteful web around his audience. But though his actors did well, though the cinematography was good and so was the camera work, the story was a loser from the start. It wasn’t the kind of movie that promises much in the start and falls flat as it progresses. It was drab right from the first shot, and never made an attempt to rise above the mediocre.

The film was bathed in clichés. Like every hatke Hindi movie now, the protagonist (Rani Mukherji) is a prostitute; and like every modern Hindi movie she finds a man who’s ready to accept her in spite of this; like every hatke / non-hatke Hindi movie it begins with a song; like every prostitute-centric Hindi film she is vindicated by the majboori drama; and like every Hindi film worth its salt it has a happy ending. If you’re curious about the story, please read on- don’t bother buying even a pirated CD.

The story begins in Banaras, with its picturesque ghaats and bustling roads. Anupam Kher is the head of a middle class family, leading his retired life in an ancestral home. Crippled by the termination of his pension, his wife (Jaya Bachchan) is forced to wield the sewing machine day and night for their daily bread. As Anupam’s perfidious brother tries to wrest the house from him, Anupam laments for not having a son to bail him out. This activates some main-aapka-beta-banoongi hormone in Rani Mukherji, who resolves to go to Mumbai to earn a living for herself and her family; and show her father that having a daughter is not such a curse after all. Konkona, her younger sister, is oblivious of the family’s hardships and lives her happy, giggly life to the fullest.

When Rani dearest lands in Mumbai with just a 10th class certificate in hand, nobody is willing to employ her. In her desperation she agrees to sleep with a man in return for employment. The man, however, refuses to give her the job after a night of fun. (Of course! If sex could elevate your status from a 10th-pass to a working professional, colleges would be sweatshops of a different kind!) When the man tosses a bundle of notes at her, she gets her big idea. From a small town happy-go-lucky girl, she becomes a “high-society escort”- which is a euphemism for a prostitute much like “a sub-optimal performer” is a euphemism for Tusshar Kapoor. (I’m sorry I use Tusshar Kapoor so often. I can’t help it; because when you scrape the proverbial rock bottom, all you find underneath is Tusshar)

It’s amazing how the 10th-pass girl who eats Hindi, sleeps Hindi, and giggles Hindi, starts conversing so fluently in English after a brief training period. Spoken English classes shouldn’t miss a trick here- they must highlight this highly ‘satisfying’ job prospect as an incentive for joining their course. Anyway, Rani’s escorting talents earn her a fortune, and she remits huge sums of money home to fight her villainous chacha. Anupam Kher was delighted with his daughter’s prosperity; while Jaya Bachchan, who knew her daughter’s plight, was the perfect embodiment of the sad smiley (she should seriously consider taking a royalty from Yahoo). In one of her escorting trips abroad, she meets Abhishek Bachchan who along with expertise in patents and trademarks has a gold medal in the spot-the-prostitute championship. Still, he falls in love with her; but is aggrieved when she just vanishes into thin air.

Yawn! I’m bored of writing. I’m sure you’re bored of reading too. And I’ve just completed the first half! I’ll speed it up for your sake and mine. Konkana gets a job in an advertising agency in Mumbai, where she falls in love with Kunal Kapoor, the Creative Head. Konkana comes to know about Rani’s profession and showers us with some more senti dialogues. Kunal comes to Banaras to marry Konkana, and lo and behold, Abhishek turns out to be his brother. While junior was busy solemnizing his nuptials, senior was trying to woo the aadarshwaadi prostitute. Rani says no to him because of her sleeping habit, but then Abhishek reveals his prostitute-spotting talents and says he fell in love with her in spite of (or because of?) her promiscuity. He was apparently moved when she recited the Hanuman Chalisa during a turbulent flight. Anyway, all’s well that ends well. Abhishek says please, Kunal says please on his behalf, Rani says yes, Anupam’s chest bloats, the villainous brother’s chest shrivels, and so they lived happily ever after.

Well, that’s about it. At the end of 2-and-a-half hours I felt like I’d seen nothing at all- as enraged as Rani was after that fruitless first night of labour. I felt like sitting for some more time to claim my money’s worth; soak up the AC for some more time. If you still want to watch this movie, you either hate me or you have no better use for money. If you haven’t seen the promos, you’ll probably like it; but for those who have great expectations (like I did), stay away.