Disclaimer Part 1: All ideas expressed in this article are the author's views on parenting. The author is a 19-year old bachelor with no experience in parenting.
Parents are often called incarnations of God, creators and nourishers of life, embodiments of impartiality and love, etc- and for good reason too (Anybody who can bear babies' tantrums and unpredictable bowels deserves every word of praise the English language offers). Much is said about parents' virtues and their shortcomings. In general, parents are shown as being extremely loyal to their children in that a mother is supposed to dote as much on her rapist son as on her respected and upright son.
But in this process of beatifying parents, are we denying them sentiments natural to common judgement? In other words, are we justified in calling parents totally impartial? If you ask a parent with more than one child whether they hold one of their children in higher regard, you'd need Jonty's reflexes to duck under the flying vases. Their reply, ipso facto a no, is hardly ever objective. True, parents rebuke an erring child, but if all attempts fail, they are supposed to digest their faults with a bucket of salt and continue showering love on them.
Undeniably, some people in the world are better than others. A smart person is better than a fool. An intelligent person is better than a complete dud.
But if parents have two children- one bright, smart, and talented, and the other, an unskilled and naive moron, they refuse to acknowledge child 1's superiority. Acknowledging this is not tantamount to buying him an extra ice-cream, so parents needn't fight to bog down a silent realisation.
When we grow into mature adults with well-defined interests and whims, isn't it possible that our manner doesn't appeal to our parents. If my father is allowed to bitch about a random reckless 24-year old, why can't he inveigh freely against his reckless 24-year old son (assuming that the son becomes reckless after his parents' parvarish and sanskaar, so that Ekta's characters don't say hamari parvarish mein hi koi kami rahi hogi)? Though responsibility might bind parents during their child's childhood, what stops them from dislking a 20-year old adult? Is it the pressure of society that inhibits them from making their displeasure public, or is it that parents are endowed with a you-shall-never-hate your-child gene?
I'd love to get lie-detector tests done on parents and see how much of what I've is true. (At least some Hindi movies show parents disliking their children. Baghban was one; and haven't we heard meri kokh pe laalat hai some 3 dozen times?)
Disclaimer Part 2: If the author's parents read this article, he'd like them to rest assured that they will pass the test with flying colours.
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12 comments:
In a lie-detector test,lie detection = pass.
Are you sure,the disclaimer 2 claimed the right thing?
@Radha
Are you sure? I thought pass meant coming out unscathed. Not sure, though.
I agree with Akshay; failing in the test would mean the lies were detected; passing it would mean no lies were detected (and if the detector is good enough, no lies were told).
I have myself wondered along the same lines, so it's a surprise to find you writing about it. However I think on some points you are wrong, though they don't have much bearing on the theme of the post; to wit: A smart person is better than a fool. An intelligent person is better than a complete dud. Undeniably true? Like hell they are!
@Ashok
You could say that, because better isn't sharply defined.
@nishant singh
The lie-detector test is an ordeal no child would want any parent to actually endure. Even if some parents fail the test, it's good for the child to be blissfully ignorant about it. Parents are human and I will not be surprised or disappointed if my parents fail the test because the sentiments I've written about are natural to humans.
In most cases,parents give credit where it is due and upbraid where criticizm is necessary.This is the case of "like"(different from love). However,showing affection or "love" is done equally,whether it is the prodigal son or the prodigy.But I see no cause for wonder here,given that ideally love is unconditional.
You may dislike a particular aspect of yourself, but you still love yourself.
Hellloooooooo( to be read as if tis being said by a belly button,with all due apologies to a certain jerry seinfeld )
Coming back here after a long,long time.My sincere apologies!
Hey and btw,I've moved to LJ.The new address is http://www.livejournal.com/users/ze_dodo
I couldn't resist-you're quoting ekta kapoor's characters?You're turning into quite the hindiwallah yourself!
Someone once told me that a sure enough sign of maturity is when you can begin to look at your parents as
individuals,not very different from yourself.When you realise that they too are allowed to make mistakes and that they don't always have the right answers.It seemed to make a lot of sense back then..
Ciao
@radha
I did mention that parents rebuke children when they err. But the dislike I'm talking about is a disgust that an individual can feel towards anybody; when we grow into mature adults, our parents too might dislike us- and if they do, it should be considered normal.
@ze-dodo
great to see you back at my blog.
It is considered normal. Strangely,you have considered this disgust as being opposite to showing affection.Both can coexist.
I agree. Affection and disgust can coexist if your feelings for a person are objective.
@dagny
I mentioned these fairly clearly in my disclaimer. And by the way, I have confirmed some of what I said as being true.
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