Screw-ups

During class hours, apart from not paying attention to the lectures, I enjoy spoofing some of my favourite English songs. From Guns 'n Roses to Metallica, Bryan Adams to Led Zeppelin, Dire Straits to Eagles, here are some of my works. The name of the bands and the songs have been distorted to suit the spirit of the new lyrics. Try to guess who's who and what's what.

I. FAT AUNT OF MINE – SONS ‘N SPOUSES


She’s got thighs like it seems to me,
Reminds me of dreadful calories,
And everything from creamy to anything fried.
Now and then, when she ties her lace,
She shakes away other people’s gaze,
Who stare all 'long, to watch her bend down and tie,
O… fat aunt of mine.

She draws sighs of great surprise, when she enters a lane,
I’d hate to become on of those guys who rub their feet in pain.
Her chair reminds me of the once gay place where all of us would lie,
I pray to the slender to be safe, or one sneeze and they will fly,
O…fat aunt of mine


II. BEST HOTEL IN PURNIA - SEAGULLS
(Purnia is a town in Bihar)
WARNING: Indecent Lyrics. Parental Guidance NOT Allowed.

On a system in i-way
Lusty thoughts in my head,
Warm memories of last night,
That I had in the bed.
Right ahead after sign-in
I opened the hotel’s site,
The fee was heavy and my wallet thin,
I had to ask her at night.
There she stood in the doorway,
And I thought I should tell,
But when the gown slipped of her thighs I thought,
Money can go to hell.
Then I sold off my sandals and my mother’s tray,
I called up Sheraton again and I heard him say,


Welcome to the best hotel in Purnia,
Such a lovely place,
Such a homely place,
Even liked by gays.
Plenty of couples in the best hotel in Purnia,
Any time of the year,
Any time of the year,
You can find them here…..


My mind was knotted and twisted,
Nothing was making sense,
They have a lot of ugly little cars,
Which they call Zens,
What they write in the brochure,
Will make Eliot sweat,
Some lines to remember,
No lines to forget.
So I called up the station,
Please let me bring wine,
They said There’ll be no problem as long as you label it brine.
And so we booked the tickets and chugged away,
She woke me up in the middle of the night just to hear me swear that,


We will have a rollicking time in Purnia,
Will be a lovely place
Will be a homely place
We’ll get plenty of space,
We will sleep in the best hotel in Purnia,
All through the night,
All through the day,
What else can I say………..


Big holes in the ceiling
Paan stains on all sides,
We were all just prisoners here,
Outnumbered by mice.
And in the master’s chamber,
I shouted at the chief,
Tried to use my steely voice but I couldn’t even shake a leaf.
Last thing I remember I was looking for the board,
I had to find the real name but stopped when he drew the sword.
Relax; said the big man, we are programmed to deceive,
You can shout as much as you like but you can never shriek.